Time

Two weeks ago I celebrated my 27th birthday. This photo (it's a scan, hence the poor quality... sorry!) was taken 10 years ago, around the time I first met my husband. Seriously? Has it really been ten years? It feels like forever, and yet as though it was just yesterday that I was anticipating adulthood.

I was lamenting my age to my husband this morning, then I started thinking about how incredible it is that so much time has passed and yet how I can't imagine my life having been any different than it is now. Ten years of trials, temptations, joy, fears, anger, frustration, happiness. How do you measure a life? When I'm 90 (God-willing), will my entire life seem to have been a blur?

At 17 I never would have imagined the twists and turns life would take for me. I was always ready to dive in head first, to move ahead. When I was ten years old I can remember people telling me how grown up I was, and I was in many ways. I wanted time to move quickly, to get to the next stage. I enjoyed the present well enough, but the future was always just a little more desirable for one reason or another. I was always looking for the next thing.

I still do that. I've grown into being able to live in the present, but my natural tendencies betray my maturation at times, until a moment like today when I stop and really think about where I am and where I've been. I'm also closing in on my 8th wedding anniversary at the end of this year, and looking back at our life together gives me pause. There are many things that I regret, words and actions I wish I could blot out. There are also many things I am grateful for and think warmly of. I've made a ton of mistakes, but I've also made many right choices. I've felt crushed under the weight of my sins, but I've also felt joyous at the knowledge of the gift of grace I've been given.

I am very different today than I was then. I am wiser, stronger, more loving than I was ten years ago. I am a wife and a Christian. In another ten years, where will I be? How will I look back at this coming decade? Will I create the life I looked forward to all those years ago?

Today is tomorrow's yesterday, and today is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it. Twenty-seven is a good place to be.